Many of us confront feelings of self-worth for ourselves and the world. This can relate to job performance or feeling like you’re enough for your romantic partner.
In a world plagued by inequality, toxic media messages, and unrealistic expectations of what success looks like. It’s becoming increasingly common to fall into spirals of not feeling like you’re good enough. The truth is that we’re ALL enough but need to change the way we view what ‘enough’ looks like and the way we talk to ourselves about our self-worth.
Often, all you have to do is log onto Instagram and see a myriad of posts of super skinny models, people getting their dream job, or a beautiful couple getting engaged. If you’re already in a negative headspace, these images will not bring you joy — instead, they’ll make you feel like you’re not skinny enough, that you’re not ambitious enough, or that you’re not worthy of true love. This negative self-talk is reckless and can damage your mental health, with studies proving that basing our self-esteem on external sources can make anxiety worse and lead to substance abuse disorders.
If you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to look to your partner for affirmation and reassurance. However, the wrong person will not give you this. They may make passing comments about the way you look or your beliefs, which will plant negative thoughts into your head about your worth to them. Pinning your worth on how your partner treats you can create a toxic dependency on them, leaving you chasing them tirelessly for approval when you may not ever get it. Situations where the heart is involved are tricky because we all want to find love and feel loved, but it’s not unusual for the heart to lead us astray.
If you’re convincing yourself that you’re not enough — for another person, a job, an opportunity — then it’s essential to catch the snippets of negative self-talk and change their meaning. Change the negative words you’re saying to yourself into empowering ones and question whether you’d say the same to a close friend or family member. If the answer is ‘no,’ you shouldn’t be saying them at all. Committing to yourself and being mindful of how you treat yourself can change our narratives for the better.
We know you want to be in a loving relationship — craving companionship is part of what makes us human. However, you must find happiness and security within yourself before taking that leap to be with someone. Being enough for yourself first will mean that you will feel better equipped to be enough for your partner.
If your thoughts begin to spiral about your place and worth in the world, it’s essential not to let these thoughts consume you. Write your feelings down in a journal or talk to a friend. If you’re able to, talk therapy is highly effective. Find whatever works for you so that you are not abandoning your quest for ultimate happiness.