It’s normal to have several relationships in your life before you settle. That means hookups and breakups are inevitable.
Everyone handles a breakup differently. A breakup can take you through an emotional rollercoaster that takes time to heal. People require different timelines to heal, regardless of the person who initiated the breakup.
You get the chance to grow yourself and find new love after a breakup. The fact that you once loved someone with all of your heart does not exclude you from loving again.
However, hurdles can crop up and disrupt the healing process after a breakup. That’s what we will discuss in this article.
Things that stop you from healing after a breakup include; depending on your ex for closure, maintaining a close friendship after the breakup, getting back to dating too soon, and wallowing in self-pity. The sooner you accept it’s over, the better it will be for you as the healing process will start. Just take it in your stride and move on.
Things That Hinder The Healing Process After Breakup
The following things impede your healing process after a breakup.
1. You Think You Were The Problem
You have overlooked how amazing you are if you believe you were the sole cause of your traumatic split. Be at ease. It occurs.
Your worth is not determined by your profession, relationships, or place in society. Start by accepting this fact in the thick of your breakup’s recollections.
2. Your Closure is Dependent on Your Ex
Many people believe that their ex must provide closure for them to move on after a breakup. But how other people behave shouldn’t dictate your capacity to let go of the past. You ought to be in charge of your closure.
If you rely on your ex to bring you closure, you might never do so. It’s a personal matter to deal with a breakup. And you ought to be conscious of that. You must fully accept what happened if you wish to find closure. Only you can change it if you’re still clinging to the past.
3. Maintaining Friendship After a Breakup
Occasionally, both parties agree to end a relationship. You might still have strong bonds with that individual, such as friendships or shared home, that make it difficult to cut them out of your life completely.
If that’s the case, be cautious about how you approach friendship following a split. Maintain group settings for it and avoid having lengthy, in-depth discussions regarding your previous relationship. Be careful not to discuss the breakup’s specifics and past emotions in your conversation.
4. Getting Back to Dating Too Soon
You find yourself on unfamiliar ground after a separation, especially if it was a long-term relationship.
Some think that getting back into dating can fill the void. It’s not advisable to jump into the first relationship that comes your way after a breakup, as you risk being dependent on your new catch, which is unhealthy.
It would be best if you gave yourself time to heal. You won’t learn from the breakup if you don’t give yourself enough time to process it and reflect on how you can improve.
5. Wallowing in Self-Pity
Give yourself time to wallow in your sorrow at the end of a relationship. If your split was due to a toxic relationship, learn to move past it.
However, try not to let your sorrow about your previous relationship overwhelm you and push you into a perilous situation where you feel upset about your relationship ending.
That could make you wonder why the relationship ended badly and start to doubt everything. You might even begin to believe that you are unworthy of love.
Speak to friends about your feelings and pay attention to their suggestions and occasionally a change of topic.
6. Comparing Yourself to Others
Some people tend to copy what others who have gone through similar experiences do. For instance, you might know of a couple that maintained their friendship after breaking up and think the same will happen to you.
Relationships are not the same. You should stop making comparisons and do what’s best for you. If you keep comparing yourself to others, you might pick traits that don’t suit you and end up delaying the healing process.
7. Failure to Set up Clear Boundaries
Most individuals rarely discuss healthy boundaries. They might, therefore, attempt to contact the other person while undergoing the process. This might not be good for any of them.
As such, you might be disrespecting them unknowingly. You need to set strict boundaries on when to call or text each other if that’s necessary and how much space you need to avoid reopening wounds.
8. Convincing Yourself, It’s Not Over Yet
As humans, we are reluctant to accept change. After a breakup, you might be inclined to think of ways to get your partner back. But you should imagine what comes next and go forward rather than return to where you were at ease and joyful.
9. Not Forgiving Your Ex
This could be the main reason why you are not healing. To forgive is difficult. However, it’s necessary if you wish to let go of the past and finally discover inner peace. Forgiveness benefits you, not your ex, and it frees you of bad feelings after a breakup.
Ask yourself if you would prefer to be happy or right. You can’t have both. The issue with not forgiving your ex is that you can eventually make your subsequent partner(s) suffer for the transgressions of your former, in addition to losing your peace of mind. Learn to let go and see how the healing process quickly takes its course.
10. Keeping the Company of Naysayers
Having unmarried, divorced friends around is not always beneficial. There is no disputing that you require the support and inspiration of those who have experienced what you have.
We all are aware that some people, however, continue to have negative opinions about their experiences. With their pessimism and cynicism, they bring you down rather than raise you. Such people make it hard for you to heal as they keep memories of your ex fresh in your mind.
Things Not to Do After a Breakup
Some things you should avoid after a breakup include;
Don’t Idolize Your Ex
You can easily fall into the trap of idolizing your ex and only think about the good things concerning your past relationship. Acknowledge that you loved someone who didn’t love you back.
Remind yourself that love and attraction are complicated and that you still deserve respect and love even if your ex didn’t feel the same way about you.
Don’t Forget Who You Are as a Person
Take advantage of your “me” time and pursue your hobbies as you progressively end the relationship.
After you’ve recovered from the loss, enjoy being single and learn how to stand on your own without the relationship.
Don’t Stay Indoors
It’s pretty easy to wallow in misery and keep checking your phone with the hope that your ex will call and plead for a second chance. One of the best ways to move on from a split is to keep yourself occupied.
Find some self-care activities you can perform each day that will make you feel fabulous and help you pass the time. Before long, you’ll be involved in so many exciting new activities that you enjoy that you won’t even remember your ex.
Final Thoughts
A breakup is an emotionally draining experience. To heal completely, you need to let the process run its course. Avoid things that interfere with the healing process and all will be well.
Good luck!
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