We’ve all been there: There’s a figurative bubble around you and your date, and everything seems to be going great. You’re talking about the universe and the cosmos, learning everything there is to know about each other. You find out that you’re both a Leo, you love listening to acoustic chillout music, and you both went to the same college. There seems to be a continuous stream of energy between you two, you end the evening with a hug, and you’re sure a second date is in your future until …
The next day comes with no phone call, and the day after that, and the day after that. You try reaching out, but you don’t get a response. Suddenly weeks have passed with no second date, and you’re left to wonder: What went wrong?
Before you start second-guessing yourself, slow down, take a breath, and consider that there may have been subtle cues during the date that a second date wasn’t on the horizon. The difference lies in conversation versus connection — the feeling you can’t quite put into words, the electricity between two people that generates a magical connection, both emotionally and physically.
It’s not just chemistry, either, even if you’re attracted to your date. It’s possible to generate that connection during your date. Please take a look at our first-date survival guide below for three ways to increase the odds of seeing your date again.
Be Vulnerable
Oftentimes, we don’t like to show our true colors because we think our date won’t accept them. This can cause people to feel like they have to pretend to be something they’re not to make someone else happy. Ultimately, it’s less likely that a second date will happen in these situations.
While it’s essential to remain self-aware and try not to overshare or talk excessively about yourself on a date, you should avoid acting guarded when you’re getting to know someone. People quickly pick up on that energy, and it can turn them off.
Instead, be willing to be vulnerable and relate something that might not be considered “safe” to say. For example, maybe you share that you enjoy writing poetry or painting portraits. In turn, your date will feel more comfortable about opening up.
Once you make yourself more vulnerable, you can then try asking questions to help you get a deeper understanding of the other person. Instead of asking someone where they work and their job, ask them what their passions are and why they like their job so much. Don’t just ask what someone does for fun but get an idea of what kinds of things they enjoy talking about so you can establish some common ground.
Although it can be uncomfortable, sharing things with your date can be worth it, even if you think they’re embarrassing. By taking risks and sharing vulnerably, you’re able to create trust and let the other person know it’s safe to share with you, too.
Be Transparent
The critical thing to remember on a date is that it’s all about building a connection and chemistry. That means being transparent: If you’re on a date, increase the chances of a second date by letting your date know how you feel.
Transparency is good for connecting with someone, but it’s also good for us as individuals. When we are open with others, we feel more at ease in our skin and have a better sense of self-acceptance. We tend to be less anxious when we are honest with others, making us feel more relaxed and comfortable in our own skin.
As with vulnerability, transparency also helps build trust with your date. You might be tempted to hide how you feel out of fear of being rejected. But if you aren’t transparent, you aren’t allowing your date to do the same. If you’re afraid to speak your truth, there’s a good chance your date will feel the same way.
Transparency is critical not just on dates but in relationships, too, because it allows partners to get to know each other better and build intimacy. It gives them insight into what makes each other tick, which can help them better understand their partner’s needs and desires.
Be Present
You can obsess over the perfect conversation topics, but it will not matter if you’re not present. If you’re on a date, increase your chances of a second date by being present in the moment.
One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is your full attention. It sounds simple, but this is a rare gift in today’s world. How often have you been on a date or out with a friend and realized that the other person seems distracted? They looked at their phone every couple of minutes, they had their eyes on the TV monitor as they watched a game, or they kept glancing around the room as if they were looking for someone else. This can be frustrating and make you feel like you’re not important.
The next time you’re on a date, try giving them the gift of your full attention. This means putting your phone away, clearing your mind, and being present in the moment. If you need to keep your phone nearby for any reason — say, you have kids at home and need to remain reachable — set your phone on silent mode and only pick it up if you have to. You may be surprised at how much the other person appreciates these small gestures, not to mention how much more enjoyable it makes your conversation together. The first date is where the fun begins, but even for the most confident amongst us, meeting someone for the first time can be nerve-wracking. Our survival guide is designed to give you the confidence you need to be yourself on a date to enjoy yourself and walk away feeling like you both want to see each other again
